Late

I think this is my first time late for work.
Woke up at 8:08am instead of the usual 7:15am.
Nonetheless, still manage to get here at 8:50am.
At least its before the critical point of 9:00am.
Looking at the amount of time used to get here today,
I think I was rather efficient.

Sometimes I wonder if I've made the right decisions in life.
Looking back into the past,
replaying the various possible scenarios,
I keep on asking myself tonnes of "what if".
I know life would have been different,
perhaps even better,
perhaps even closer to what I vision it to be.

But the truth is,
it doesn't matter if my past decision is right or wrong.
I've already crossed that point of no return.
I've alraedy made my choices.
I can no longer shut down and restart my life.
I can no longer reprogramme my values,
and reestablish the expectations of others.

All I can do now,
is to continue on with this reality that I've created,
and try to extract the maximum value out of it.
Nyeh, that's life.

NTD

I'm currently at work. Its another NTD (nothing-to-do) day. Hrmph. All I did since morning was reading my "Hot, Flat, Crowded" book, checking out Uni Melb's various webpages, looking for new job for next year, researching on what env engineers do, toilet trips etc. Boring.

So, I looked through my results and did a bit of calculation. This is what I get.

For my commerce component:

• I've done 13 subjects, ranging from the field of finance, to accounting, to law, to economics and then management,over the 4 years.
• Amongst the 13 subjects, 5 of them are level 1 subjects, 5 of them are level 2 subjects and 3 of them are level 3 subjects.
• On average, I've achieved a total average of 76.15 with an average of 75.8 for level 1 subjects, 75.4 for level 2 subjects and 78 for level 3 subjects.
• The overall median is 76, with a median of 75 for both level 1 and 2 subjects and a median of 77 for level 3 subjects.
• The overall standard deviation is 4.39, with standard deviations for level 1, level 2 and level 3 subjects 5.89, 4.04, 2.65 respectively.
• Overall, the data suggest that my performance in the commerce subjects is improving. There are signs of increased average results with an improved reliability. The variability of the results have been reduced steadily.
• In order to achieve an overall H1 average (i.e. 80 and above) for my commerce degree, I will need to score an average of at least 99.6 for my remaining 3 level 3 subjects. This goal is pretty much impossible using the current method of calculation.
• If a weighted average calculation method is applied, the required average of my remaining 3 subjects in order to achieve an overall H1 will differ. Assuming that level 1 and level 2 subjects do not carry any weightings, that implies that I will need to achieve an average of 82 for my remaining 3 level 3 subjects in order to achieve an overall H1. In this case, it is possible.

For my engineering component:

• I've done 19 subjects over the 4 years.
• Among these, 12 of them are done in University of Melbourne and 7 of them are done in University College London. Within the UniMelb subjects, there are 7 level 1 subjects, 3 level 2 subjects and 2 level 3 subjects.
• From my understanding, subjects done in UCL do not contribute towards the calculation of honours. Hence, they pose no significance in the honours calculation procedure. But nonetheless, calculation are done to aid overall understanding. 8 subjects in UCL is equivalent to 7 UniMelb subjects. The overall average is 61.13, which is equivalent of US Grade B+ and upper second class for UCL. The median is 61 and standard deviation is 9.4.
• Without considering weightings, I've achieve a total average of 77.42 with an average of 77.57 for level 1 subjects, 73.67 for level 2 subjects and 82.5 for level 3 subjects.
• The overall median is 80.5, with a median of 82 for level 1 subjects, 69 for level 2 subjects and 82.5 for level 3 subjects.
• The overall standard deviation is 8.35, with standard deviations for level 1, level 2 and level 3 subjects 9.29, 8.08, 4.95 respectively.
• Using the weighting method, level 2 & level 3 subjects contributes to 40% of my honours (weighting of 0.1 and 0.3 respectively) whereas level 4 subjects contributes to 60% of my honours. So far, I've managed to accumulate 32.12% out of the 40%. In order to graduate with a first class honours, I will need to achieve a minimum average of 80 for my remaining 5 level 4 subjects. Such goal is deemed possible.

So yeah. A total average of 76.79 (consisting 76.15 and 77.42) throughout the 4 years seems decent. But to graduate with a first class honours, there's still a bit more to go. I suppose it will be a hardcore studying year next year. It should be interesting.

Another day wasted.

Why?
Its none of my business,
I know.
There's nothing between us
to start with from the very beginning.
But for a girl like you to be with him,
I feel cheated.
No, its more like insulted.
Congratulations to you,
for being able to look into someone beyond looks.
Congratulations to you,
for pointing out how shallow I am,
shattering my false sense of beauty and perfection.
Seriously, why?

Woolworths

Finding fresh fruit juice after gym proved to be hard.
Most of the tesco juices are either artificially flavoured or contains added sugar.
Even the fresh orange juice tasted weird. Its missing the element "fresh".
I miss Woolworths and its magnificent fruit juice aisle.
At least I can be sure that the juices offered are fresh.
At least I have options!

Paint me a sky with no glittering stars,
and the moon hidden behind the pitch black screen.
Grow me a meadow of wilted tulips,
with nothingness howling without a trace.
Play me the song only a deaf man can hear,
share with me the stories told by the mute.
Send me the chill that runs down my spine,
and warm me up again with the iciness of despair.
I wrap myself up in the blanket of darkness,
creating my own fortress of solitude,
embracing the eternal world of stillness and silence.

Was feeling rather violent and dangerous earlier on.
Felt like smashing some windscreens,
felt like bashing and injuring someone.
Wanted to speed, wanted to smoke,
wanted to drink, wanted to take drugs.
Craving for that euphoric adrenaline rush,
craving for that ecstatic recklessness.
Anything to reject this reality,
anything to deny the thought of loneliness,
I want them all.

Played some duets with the kid. It was fun.
I should probably practise more.
Sight reading was absolutely horrible.

Accident

On my way to work today,
I witnessed how fear
makes a person barbarous and aggressive.
Fear triggers the instinct to protect our own selves.
That's a natural law. That's our most primal instinct.
But once you crossed the boundary to intimidate
and terrorize others in order to protect yourself,
you instantly loose all the virtues of humanity.

On my way to work today,
I saw my colleague got into an accident.
Listening to the arguments from both side,
it was obvious that he was at fault.
Yet, what amazes me was how he reacted.
His hands were trembling, he was frighten,
but cold harsh words were used,
a terrorizing attitude was displayed.
He attempted to intimidate, attempted to dominate.
He, a nerd. I would have never expected this from him.

Do we commit terror because we are in fear?
Do we hurt someone simply because we feel insecure?
The world could have been a better place.

Hair Cut

There are a lot of things about KL that I want to write. But I'll leave that to the next post because there is something more important to jot down today.

I had a bad hair cut. Very bad indeed.

More importantly, I think its mostly my fault. I should have done more research and look for more options. The minute I stepped into the rather empty salon, my instinct told me to leave. But I ignored. The minute I see that rather not presentable female hair-stylist, my instinct screamed at me urging me to leave. But I ignored. The minute when the hair-stylist initiated the conversation in a rather rude manner, my instinct wailed, begging me to leave. Again, I ignored. My fault. Totally.

Now, from my experience of countless hair-cut sessions, a few rules need to be observed. I shall make it a commitment, to ensure none of this happens anymore.

• Never trust a female to cut your hair, be it young or old. They usually have poor sense of fashion and style. No offense.
  
• Don't go into a salon with only female hair-stylists around and a male receptionist. Female hair-stylists are just another marketing trap.
• Check out what the hair-stylists wear. If its ah beng ah lian fashion, you'll get ah beng ah lian hair style too. Or even worse.
  
• Interior of a salon is also an important indicator. If the design of the interior is somewhat complicated, better skip it. They are up to no good. The design is merely an illusion, distraction.
• Conversation matters, to a certain degree. Its an indicator of the person's quality and experience.
  
• Lastly, if all customers are, well, not that presentable, head to the next salon. Its probably the wrong side of the world.
  

Now, let's talk about KL next time.