Reliving Melbourne

2011-01-04T09:56:00.002+11:00

Left melbourne.
This time, for good.
You've defined, shaped,
and made me a better person.
Thanks.

Tried to convince myself I won't miss you,
but that was such an obvious lie.
Futile.
Till we meet again, melbourne!

2010-12-27T23:55:00.002+11:00

People who are passionate about what they do.
Unfortunately, I only know a small handful.

2010-12-21T00:52:00.002+11:00

The heart beats,
to the rhythm of fear.
Anxiousness,
lurching in the corner.

In this dark night,
where hope no longer shine,
I lay on my bed
trembling restlessly, consumed by uncertainties.

In this dark night,
where no one else is out there,
I lay on my bed
humming a hymn of desperation, alone.

Viva la Vida (Long Live Life)

2010-11-10T15:13:00.008+11:00

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

-Coldplay

Despite being forsaken by the world and the perceived truth, we live to move on, we live to be true. Viva la Vida!

Liberty Leading the People by Eugene Delacroix.

2010-10-30T17:22:00.003+11:00

So, what's been happening?
I drank and got a lil tipsy on South Lawn on my last day of uni.
I've got a job lined up after I graduate.
I need a lot of money to fund my travel.
I'm looking for a 2nd part time job in between.
I'm done with 2 subjects, and only two more to go.

But I think the most important thing is that,
I'm going to miss Melbourne.
The people, the dry weather, the coffee and the people.
Yes, I'm feeling a bit reluctant now.
Emo, if that's the right word to use.

2010-09-29T01:20:00.001+10:00

I tend to mess up people's life.
Sometimes, I think I am sick.
Like seriously fucking sick.

62

2010-09-13T14:47:00.002+10:00

Now, that is some really bad mark
for a subject graded solely based on assignment.
A high HD gone. Damn.

2010-09-02T01:10:00.003+10:00

The world is big.
and there's so much that I don't know.
In the pursuit of being the best,
I'll have to first start by getting better.

Feeling tiny within this vast universe,
ignorant of the depth of this unfathomable knowledge,
there's just so much that I need to learn.

And I will, of course.
One firm step at a time.
One meaningful lesson everytime.

2010-08-11T13:13:00.004+10:00

The PM said I'm a good fit for the organization at the end of the interview.
I'm kinda excited. This is after all my first proper grad position interview.

Putting the interview aside, assuming that I am offered a position and I accepted, it means that I'll deviate from what I want to built years down the road. Of course, the job will offer heaps of opportunities and possibilities. But is this really what I want.

2010-08-11T00:02:00.004+10:00

There are just people whom you can't trust despite being close.
My fault entirely for trusting. Indeed.
Its not my first time having things like this to happen to me.
Alas, do learn your lesson.
The only person you can trust is you yourself.

The Tipping Point

2010-08-02T15:35:00.004+10:00

Author: Malcolm Gladwell

The Three Rules of Epidemics:
Characteristic of Epidemics: Contagious, little causes can have big effects, change happens not gradually but at one dramatic movement.

1. The Law of the Few: Connectors, Mavens and Salesmen

... looked at the kinds of people who are critical in spreading information.

... your resources ought to be solely concentrated on those three groups.

2. The Stickiness Factor

... suggesting that in order to be capable of sparking epidemics, ideas have to be memorable and move us to action.

3. The Power of Context: (and the magic number 150)

Epidemics are sensitive to the conditions and circumstances of the times and places in which they occur.

... that in order to create one contagious movement, you often have to create many small movements first.

Conclusion
Starting epidemics requires concentrating resources on a few key areas.
The world does not accord with our intuition. Those who are successful at creating social epidemics do not just do what they think is right. They deliberately test their intuitions.

2010-07-28T16:23:00.003+10:00

I handed in my resignation.
It was a $300 per week job.
I'm gonna miss that money.
Seriously.

Yet,
I feel liberated in some way.
Its time to move on.
Again.

2010-06-13T02:24:00.002+10:00

And to achieve my goal, I am determined to set myself ablaze and efficiently burn every bits to ashes. 5 more days. I'll ace.

Drifter

2010-05-28T00:29:00.007+10:00

I dig a little bit deeper,
and I realize that
I've achieved nothing
since the beginning of my uni.

Its true that I have gained experiences,
met people of different spectrum,
but none of these are achievements,
they are merely "a vast range of experiences".

I have not fully commit myself into anything,
everything was done half-hearted.
Experiences were wasted,
opportunities were squandered.

A drifter I have been.
Afraid of the actual commitments,
avoiding the associated responsibilities.

Drive

2010-05-20T10:48:00.005+10:00

Mary asked us to focus on one single word
throughout the BB class the other day.
Drive.
That was my word for the day.

To drive the world,
to drive my future,
to drive myself over the next hurdle,
I need to be able to find my drive.

The energy that keeps me moving,
the faith that enables me to make impossible leaps,
the motivation that prompts me to keep trying,
I need to know my drive.

And Sasha Azevedo once said,

“To believe in yourself and to follow your dreams, to have goals in life and a drive to succeed, and to surround yourself with the things and the people that make you happy - this is success!”

2010-05-10T02:49:00.002+10:00

My colleague thinks that I'm like Peter Pan.
Boyish, she said. Hah!
How I wish I am now in Neverland,
never have to grow old,
never have to grow up.

Where is tinkerbell and the lost boys?
Its time to draw my sword and kick some pirates' asses.
Soaring through that sliver clouds,
continue in believing magics and wonders.

2010-05-09T02:05:00.003+10:00

Monica came in to work today.
Heaps of fun.
I like working with her.
She's like a ball of energy
radiating strength and motivation.
I feel like a better person around her.
She is strong and capable,
for that I admire her.

2010-05-06T01:17:00.002+10:00

Why is it that the stronger ones are expected to take care of the weaker ones?
Why are we tolerating and silently accepting their inefficiencies?
What happened to 'survival of the fittest'?
Its unfair.
Why am I trying so hard to be better then?
Why don't I just cut myself some slack and be a scumbag?
Why don't I just leech of someone else?
Its unfair.

Life is unfair.
And hence that's life.

Painting

2010-04-17T01:35:00.002+10:00

People say I'll have a bright future.
I'd like to believe in that.
But right now,
all I've got is probably just
a good set of paint brushes and colours.
Haven't started painting,
no way I can tell if I'll be able to draw my dreams,
no way I can tell if I'll be able paint a bright future.

2010-04-15T23:43:00.004+10:00

I'm nothing but fluff.
Its hard to be honest to yourself
when everyone else thinks that
you are actually trying hard.
And the ugly naked truth is:
I haven't been trying hard enough.

I am suppose to know myself best.
I am suppose to be honest to myself.
Now, can I even trust myself?

2010-03-28T12:12:00.002+11:00

Am I managing my life or am I getting managed by life?
Things seem to getting out of hand recently.

Encountered my first ever failure in project management.
Great. I've got some good experience to share now.
Ain't life awesome.
Nyeh.

2010-03-25T19:26:00.002+11:00

Empathy and Compassion.
I'd never see myself associated with them, until today.
Felt kinda nice actually.
Nyeh.

The sky is falling.

2010-03-20T14:41:00.006+11:00

I am very stressed.
Currently, going through some emotional turbulence.
Its like the fortress I've been building is at the brink of collapsing.
Its like something is trying to rip me apart from inside out.
I feel like I'm losing myself, losing everything.
That monster I've been suppressing - I can't deal with it anymore.
Its falling apart, everything is.
I can't find that strength to shoulder my world anymore.
Just a simple poke, everything can easily crumble down.
The sky is falling and there is nothing I can do but to get teary.
What a wimp!

2010-03-12T14:45:00.003+11:00

Dear Jk,

I know how much you are enjoying your life in Melbourne now.
But still, I have to say something about your spending pattern.
I know how good it feels when you can just spend without worrying too much.
But in this current situation, its way too ridiculous.
You are not earning enough to cover your expenditure.
Cut it down a bit. You don't have to buy everything you like.
Your savings will come in handy in the future with the aid of compounding.

Much love,
Jk

2010-03-09T01:38:00.001+11:00

Crash. Crash. Crash.
Wiiieeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Thump.

Dead.

2010-03-02T07:39:00.004+11:00

Woke up feeling a bit empty, a bit disappointed.
I wanted to be honest about how I feel, to be straight forward,
but then, I don't want to be perceived as being paranoid or too dependent.
There might be reasons behind this irregularity.

Again, this boils down to the issue of managing expectation.
To let things flow naturally without directions,
it is much easier said then done.
To be spontaneous,
it is just not something that I can cope very well with.
I find comfort in pattern, I find comfort in predictions.
Hrpmh, this whole fuzzy hazy thing can be quite sexy,
but sometimes, it can really get quite tiring.
What do I actually want out of this?
Alas, good morning Tuesday.

2010-02-21T18:03:00.005+11:00

Things are still accelerating,
along that unplanned direction.
Its like gravity,
pulling me closer and closer towards you,
pulling me back to Earth
just when I'm suppose to lift off to Mars.
Its complicated, its rather alarming,
there's too much uncertainties and ambiguities,
but I guess at this stage,
I'm too much in love to care.

How ironic of me,
to even start dreaming of such unreachable.

2010-02-12T20:09:00.002+11:00

Done with intern and I'm now back in Penang.
Accidently left part of me in kl.
Its gonna take awhile to recover.
Gah.

The only way to have a friend is to be one.

2010-02-10T04:19:00.006+11:00

And that is what my fortune cookie says, a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I seriously wonder how I am doing in terms of making friends. I know I'm very selective and picky about my friends. My mum even said that I have the tendency to look down at people. True. I do think the whole friend thing is kinda overrated. But I do hope that I am a friend to those whom I truly consider as friend. Nothing pretentious, nothing complicated.

On a side note, its kinda amusing how habits and comfort develop. Sadly, I'll have to break out of this cycle and move on in two more days. Alas, reluctant, but I suppose that's life. I have been enjoying it and I am happy. That's all it matters.

Yawn. Good nite world.

2010-02-06T20:29:00.002+11:00

To find comfort from someone, it is actually quite tiring.
To open up to someone, it actually makes you feel empty.
Hrmph. I feel vulnerable.
Like seriously.

The body adapts, but the mind resist.

2010-02-06T19:48:00.003+11:00

I have been going to gym on a rather regular basis, something I think I wouldn't have done if you asked me a year ago. Started with some normal cardio/weight machine routine and then, I was slowly introduced to the awesomeness of group fitness classes, in particular, Body Pump and Easy Steps.

I used to think that Group Fitness Classes are mostly for those fugly women or stereotypical hunk wanna-be. In fact, I think of gym as some massive makeover factory that produces either gym bunnies or losers. Just like a production line that produces standardized "goods" or "rejects". But this view changed rapidly once I started my gym routine.

On top of sculpting the body and improving one's stamina, it is actually a very good training to discipline the mind. Yes, its this whole "mental training" thing that changes my view. Throughout these two months, I've experienced times when the mind just surprisingly gives you that extra bit of boost despite the resistance of the body. It allows you to move on a bit further, to achieve a bit more. This does not occur everyday of course. But the sense of achievement that follows, its overwhelming. It boost your confidence, it makes you believe in yourself more, it makes you realize that hurdle can be overcome by determination, it empowers you.

Through the group fitness classes, I've observed how management strategies are implemented. I've seen synergy being put into use. I've seen collective effort at work. It feels good. It does. Again, I can't stress enough on that sense of achievement.

I've come to understand that the body can always adapt to fatigue and harsh conditions. But to get the mind to do the same, that's the challenging bit. It needs a hell lot of concentration and determination. You need to know how to harness your motivation and strength from your surroundings. And that is why I go to gym, to prepare myself for the better.

2010-02-04T18:14:00.006+11:00

It’s annoying when you develop the feeling of dependency.
It’s annoying when you are stranded by values and obligations.
It’s annoying when expenses exceed income.
It’s annoying when you have to go work when there’s no work.
It’s annoying when cravings cannot be satisfied immediately.
It’s annoying when you have to try to be nice to people.
It’s seriously fucking annoying when you don’t get enough sleep for a prolonged period.

Yes, I need some quality long-hours sleep. Zzzz. Hrmph.

The word hibernate sounds so right!
Beware. Highly irritable.

Wannabe

2010-02-03T20:26:00.003+11:00

Just because okapi is hot,
we've got zenkey (hybrid of donkey and zebra) here,
a total wannabe!

Sketch it!

2010-02-03T20:02:00.006+11:00

Haha. Finally!
My first proper sketch after such a long procrastination!
Hoorah for another ntd day in office.

Note:
Original Picture - Doric Temple, Segesta.

Picture of the day

2010-02-03T14:34:00.006+11:00

Okapi.
They might look weird,
but they are SEXY!
Or perhaps HOT, to some extent!

They've got some chic zebra strip printed on the thighs,
a 30cm blue tongue (good at kissing),
and an oily, velvety coat of fur.

Absolutely sexeh!

2010-02-02T16:08:00.003+11:00

Gah! I do not remember posting up the last post at all!
I think I freaking embarrassed myself last night.
Note to self: Try not to do that again. It was reckless.

2010-02-02T04:07:00.002+11:00

Little things make me happy,
but little things make me sad too.
Hrmph.
Thanks.

2010-02-01T03:51:00.002+11:00

We should be responsible for our own actions and thoughts,
simply because we are suppose to live for our own self,
before trying to live for others.
Others do not have the obligation to live your life for you.

Sorry, but I can't fathom this.
Are you putting the blame on me just because you are weak?
Are you putting the blame on me just because you can't move on?
Blood ties, to be serious, they don't really mean much.
Cold hearted, maybe. But that is after all the reflection of reality.

2010-01-31T16:17:00.003+11:00

The heart and the mind,
they don't think alike.
One focuses more on the short run,
the other one, on the other hand, long run.
And the question then becomes,
what do I want out of this?

2010-01-28T04:51:00.002+11:00

It was busy, but it felt so right!
That's how work is suppose to be.
Work your ass off during the hours,
and indulge in the satisfaction that follows.

note: time spent of facebook/blog/ebuddy was less than 5 minutes in total. record breaking!

2010-01-26T14:55:00.003+11:00

Youngsters.
They seek excitement and attention.
They want revolution and recognition.
But funny how they pick a game plan with no substance.
Funny how they are not willing to give their all-in to win.

All I see is some senseless pride.
A false sense of dignity stemming from nothingness.
It can be manipulated and busted easily,
It lacks the refinement of life and experience.

Powerless they are,
incapable to challenge the reality,
incapable to make a difference.

2010-01-25T16:55:00.003+11:00

Came across this facebook group created by the students from my high school. It was a channel for them to vent their dissatisfaction over some new rules in school. Saw some familiar faces who joined the group too.

Then I started thinking:
1. While we are actively pursuing and promoting the freedom of speech, are we actually capable of taking responsibility over what we've said?

2. While encouraging debates and exchange of ideas, are we capable of using such channel to create a compromise and bring forth some positive outcomes? Or is this channel going to create more chaos through speculation and distortion of information?

3. For those seniors who have joined the group, is that an indication of support for the cause? And prior showing your support, have you attempted to understand the issues at hand in an objective manner?

4. For those seniors who think that the cause is worth supporting, do you think that the thinking process of the students demonstrated is worth cultivating and further encouraged?

Freedom of speech. It comes with responsibility.

23

2010-01-25T14:45:00.005+11:00

23.
You can be a slut,
deriving fun from all the mindless sex.
You can be a uni kid,
carelessly skimming through life.
You can be a final year student,
getting all depressed over the job prospects.
You can be a young adult,
hotheaded, impulsive and ignorant.
Or you can be different,
by hammering out a solid future game plan.

2010-01-25T01:57:00.003+11:00

Claypot chicken rice, durian, wine, japanese buffet (all the ice cream, sashimi and coconut water), hot chocolate, truffle, spicy nyonya food, plus some nasty cold/flu.

Hrmph. Not the best combo.

2010-01-24T22:29:00.003+11:00

I took a sick leave on Friday.
Woke up at my usual time,
and sent in an email to notify the company.
I was sick. There were some mild symptoms.
Yet, when I made that decision,
it was not in the best interest of the firm.
Principle of stewardship was violated.
That was very unprofessional of me.
Hrmph.

2010-01-22T01:58:00.002+11:00

Crap.
I'm falling sick.
:(

2010-01-21T20:31:00.005+11:00

You can change your appearance,
you can change your fashion style,
but at the end of the day,
your substance is still the same.

Sorry, I'm just not interested.
Physical appearance is just the prerequisite,
but the mind, on the other hand,
is the core.

2010-01-20T14:31:00.004+11:00

Your faint breathing,
my lingering,
it ends tonight,
when darkness turns to light.

Dawn is here I'm ready to go,
bags are packed I hate to do so.
End that lingering, end that pain,
cause I'm leaving on a jet plane.

(Thanks mel, thanks teoh.)

Rant

2010-01-15T19:30:00.007+11:00

Stop giving me lame excuses and reasons.
The least you could do is to at least be honest about it.
A firm 'no' can freaking save both of us time and all sorts of trouble.
I fucking don't care what sort of image you are trying to portray,
nor the sorts of trouble I'll have to pull myself through after this.
Get the facts straight, and both of us can continue with our work.
You are just a fucking ignorant time waster,
causing delays to my work again and again.
Arrgghh, stupid engineers.
You could have just said 'no'. Seriously.
Its not all that difficult to be honest.

There Will Come a Day

2010-01-15T18:17:00.005+11:00

There will come a day when I will turn deaf.
But before that happens,
let me spend more time with you,
so that I can remember
your sweet voice of a nightingale in the silence.

There will come a day when I will turn blind.
But before that happens,
let me spend more time with you,
so that I can remember
your beautiful face of an angel in the darkness.

There will come a day when I will lose my senses,
I will suffer from illness and I will forget who I am.
But before all that happens,
let me just spend a little more time with you,
so that I can remember
the precious time we spent together despite the chaos.

There will come a day when I will be gone.
But before that happens,
let me spend more time with you,
so that you can remember
how much I've cared for you,
how much I've loved you.

Of Comparison

2010-01-12T14:07:00.004+11:00

The news commentator on the radio this morning were saying that there are things that you can't compare. They used the analogy of comparing an apples and oranges.

Well, I disagree. Its true that apples and oranges are physically different. But if you look carefully, at a deeper level, there are some comparable characteristics such as nutritional value, weights, texture etc. They can be compared: apples are crunchier than orange, oranges have higher Vit C compared to apples.

I think its absolutely absurd if someone tells you that there are things that you can't possibly compare. Its just an excuse to make you feel better, an excuse to hide things that you don't want to face. We can still compare our nation with neighbouring countries even though the constitutional and religion background are different. Comparing is about understanding something. Hence, its important to understand how these characteristics interact in order to make a useful comparison.

Only through comparing, we will know what's better and what's not, leading to a better decision. If people are better at making comparison, the world could have been a better place with resources efficiently used. Oh well.

2010-01-12T03:29:00.002+11:00

Oh you freaking white shirt that is so hard to iron!
I curse you! Arrrghh!

2010-01-11T12:42:00.005+11:00

Learning how to give up is not all that easy
Especially when it’s someone you hold dear.
Cry then? Well, there’s no point in it.
Old enough to understand, old enough to just let go.
Need to move on, have to go on.
Thinking about it won’t make any more difference.
Everything happens in its own time, at its own pace.

Leave that instantaneous spark behind then.
End it gracefully with something substantial worthy of looking back.
End it on a good note, just like how a perfect cadence should sound.

I carry your heart with me

2010-01-11T03:10:00.007+11:00

Was telling my friend about my favourite poem. I know I've put this up before, but since its my fav, I'm gonna put it up again. I came across this poem from the movie "In Her Shoes" when Maggie read it at Rose's wedding as a gift. Its about a love so deep, a love so true. It'd be great if I can recite it one day, to that person I carry in my heart. Anyway.

i carry your heart with me
by ee cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

2010-01-10T21:49:00.001+11:00

And thanks for helping me to move on.
I'm fine. In fact, relieved.
You've been awesome.
Thanks.

2010-01-10T00:22:00.002+11:00

Alright, an uncovered bin with tissues suspected for wrapping used tampons and blood stain inside the the toilet bowl just helped me to make my final decision. I'm moving.

Of Work and Pay

2010-01-08T18:29:00.005+11:00

And then I realized something. The seemingly negative posts since December are positively correlated with my time here with this current firm. Poor pay and the lack of sense of achievement (referring to the lack of mentally challenging tasks, and amount of work) are most likely the causes.

This makes me wonder if people end up being more happy with greater wealth. I guess its true that you feel happy when you spend on things that you like. At least that's the case for me. I derive happiness from shopping, paying for train rides, buying cheap postcards, books and of course wine and good food. But this ability to spend is actually subjected to the amount of wealth you accumulate. And this, brings us to income.

With my current income, its pathetic. I do understand its for the long run benefit. But seriously, to make me think twice before buying something cheap, its shocking. You can imagine how much spending induced satisfaction I have forgone simply because of this intern.

No wonder I seem rather depressed lately.

2010-01-08T02:27:00.001+11:00

Set the expectation right,
and you'll avoid heaps of unwanted bullshit.

Roller Coaster Ride

2010-01-07T02:39:00.008+11:00

Life is like a roller coaster ride.
Up in the sky,
you do turns that are impossible,
defying gravity.
You accelerate, your adrenaline rushes,
you scream out in excitement.
And these can't be felt on the ground.
You push yourself to the extreme,
trying to move one step closer to your imagination.
Yet, you'll hit that last stop eventually,
where everything halt.
KaBOOM!
And things drop dead.
Your feet are back onto the ground,
you are no longer flying.

No matter what happens,
you'll still have to face yourself eventually.
I guess that's when you are back
with both feet on the ground.
Asking yourself who you are,
and what you want.

2010-01-06T13:47:00.000+11:00

Glances exchanged,
And eyes met.
Heart skipped,
With a faint jolt felt.
Class resumed,
With a tick-tock track.
A hi then followed,
Leaving giddiness running amok.

2010-01-05T19:13:00.002+11:00

The engineers think that I'm doing a good job.
Glad to know that they recognise my contributions.
But sadly, I do not concur with their statement about my performance.
There should be no errors at all in the selection choices.
Don't set me a lower standard simply because I'm an intern.
We are suppose to play on a level playing field.

Anyway, I'd figure it's better to explicitly set myself a life motto at this stage:

"Live to Impress."

I shall fully dedicate myself to the cause of impressing others.

Yawn

2010-01-05T11:51:00.002+11:00

Yawn, I think I desperately need that extra 1.5 hours of sleep.
Tired. Freaking tired. Fucking freaking tired.
Absolutely fucking freaking tired.
Zzzz. I'll try to sleep before 12 tonight.
Wonder if its possible...

2010-01-05T03:47:00.002+11:00

Staying in SKM proved to be a wrong decision.
Its a waste of time, money, opportunities and life.
Alas, no choice but to try to salvage the situation.
Hrmph. A firm with no proper intern programme is never a good place for intern.

Resolution

2010-01-02T01:12:00.003+11:00

Its the first day of 2010.
And I think I've got all it needs to take on the rest of the year!
Be wiser, be hotter, be richer, and be healthier.
Be more culturally sophisticated and educated,
be more professionally developed and skilled,
increase the capacity to take on more responsibility,
increase the capacity to achieve greatness.
And of course, to love my friends around me more.
Yes, that's my new year resolution.

Late

2009-12-29T12:01:00.002+11:00

I think this is my first time late for work.
Woke up at 8:08am instead of the usual 7:15am.
Nonetheless, still manage to get here at 8:50am.
At least its before the critical point of 9:00am.
Looking at the amount of time used to get here today,
I think I was rather efficient.

2009-12-27T01:34:00.003+11:00

Sometimes I wonder if I've made the right decisions in life.
Looking back into the past,
replaying the various possible scenarios,
I keep on asking myself tonnes of "what if".
I know life would have been different,
perhaps even better,
perhaps even closer to what I vision it to be.

But the truth is,
it doesn't matter if my past decision is right or wrong.
I've already crossed that point of no return.
I've alraedy made my choices.
I can no longer shut down and restart my life.
I can no longer reprogramme my values,
and reestablish the expectations of others.

All I can do now,
is to continue on with this reality that I've created,
and try to extract the maximum value out of it.
Nyeh, that's life.

NTD

2009-12-21T16:47:00.006+11:00

I'm currently at work. Its another NTD (nothing-to-do) day. Hrmph. All I did since morning was reading my "Hot, Flat, Crowded" book, checking out Uni Melb's various webpages, looking for new job for next year, researching on what env engineers do, toilet trips etc. Boring.

So, I looked through my results and did a bit of calculation. This is what I get.

For my commerce component:

I've done 13 subjects, ranging from the field of finance, to accounting, to law, to economics and then management,over the 4 years.
Amongst the 13 subjects, 5 of them are level 1 subjects, 5 of them are level 2 subjects and 3 of them are level 3 subjects.
On average, I've achieved a total average of 76.15 with an average of 75.8 for level 1 subjects, 75.4 for level 2 subjects and 78 for level 3 subjects.
The overall median is 76, with a median of 75 for both level 1 and 2 subjects and a median of 77 for level 3 subjects.
The overall standard deviation is 4.39, with standard deviations for level 1, level 2 and level 3 subjects 5.89, 4.04, 2.65 respectively.
Overall, the data suggest that my performance in the commerce subjects is improving. There are signs of increased average results with an improved reliability. The variability of the results have been reduced steadily.
In order to achieve an overall H1 average (i.e. 80 and above) for my commerce degree, I will need to score an average of at least 99.6 for my remaining 3 level 3 subjects. This goal is pretty much impossible using the current method of calculation.
If a weighted average calculation method is applied, the required average of my remaining 3 subjects in order to achieve an overall H1 will differ. Assuming that level 1 and level 2 subjects do not carry any weightings, that implies that I will need to achieve an average of 82 for my remaining 3 level 3 subjects in order to achieve an overall H1. In this case, it is possible.

For my engineering component:

I've done 19 subjects over the 4 years.
Among these, 12 of them are done in University of Melbourne and 7 of them are done in University College London. Within the UniMelb subjects, there are 7 level 1 subjects, 3 level 2 subjects and 2 level 3 subjects.
From my understanding, subjects done in UCL do not contribute towards the calculation of honours. Hence, they pose no significance in the honours calculation procedure. But nonetheless, calculation are done to aid overall understanding. 8 subjects in UCL is equivalent to 7 UniMelb subjects. The overall average is 61.13, which is equivalent of US Grade B+ and upper second class for UCL. The median is 61 and standard deviation is 9.4.
Without considering weightings, I've achieve a total average of 77.42 with an average of 77.57 for level 1 subjects, 73.67 for level 2 subjects and 82.5 for level 3 subjects.
The overall median is 80.5, with a median of 82 for level 1 subjects, 69 for level 2 subjects and 82.5 for level 3 subjects.
The overall standard deviation is 8.35, with standard deviations for level 1, level 2 and level 3 subjects 9.29, 8.08, 4.95 respectively.
Using the weighting method, level 2 & level 3 subjects contributes to 40% of my honours (weighting of 0.1 and 0.3 respectively) whereas level 4 subjects contributes to 60% of my honours. So far, I've managed to accumulate 32.12% out of the 40%. In order to graduate with a first class honours, I will need to achieve a minimum average of 80 for my remaining 5 level 4 subjects. Such goal is deemed possible.

So yeah. A total average of 76.79 (consisting 76.15 and 77.42) throughout the 4 years seems decent. But to graduate with a first class honours, there's still a bit more to go. I suppose it will be a hardcore studying year next year. It should be interesting.

Another day wasted.

2009-12-20T04:37:00.002+11:00

Why?
Its none of my business,
I know.
There's nothing between us
to start with from the very beginning.
But for a girl like you to be with him,
I feel cheated.
No, its more like insulted.
Congratulations to you,
for being able to look into someone beyond looks.
Congratulations to you,
for pointing out how shallow I am,
shattering my false sense of beauty and perfection.
Seriously, why?

Woolworths

2009-12-16T02:55:00.003+11:00

Finding fresh fruit juice after gym proved to be hard.
Most of the tesco juices are either artificially flavoured or contains added sugar.
Even the fresh orange juice tasted weird. Its missing the element "fresh".
I miss Woolworths and its magnificent fruit juice aisle.
At least I can be sure that the juices offered are fresh.
At least I have options!

2009-12-15T03:17:00.005+11:00

Paint me a sky with no glittering stars,
and the moon hidden behind the pitch black screen.
Grow me a meadow of wilted tulips,
with nothingness howling without a trace.
Play me the song only a deaf man can hear,
share with me the stories told by the mute.
Send me the chill that runs down my spine,
and warm me up again with the iciness of despair.
I wrap myself up in the blanket of darkness,
creating my own fortress of solitude,
embracing the eternal world of stillness and silence.

2009-12-15T02:52:00.003+11:00

Was feeling rather violent and dangerous earlier on.
Felt like smashing some windscreens,
felt like bashing and injuring someone.
Wanted to speed, wanted to smoke,
wanted to drink, wanted to take drugs.
Craving for that euphoric adrenaline rush,
craving for that ecstatic recklessness.
Anything to reject this reality,
anything to deny the thought of loneliness,
I want them all.

2009-12-12T21:13:00.003+11:00

Played some duets with the kid. It was fun.
I should probably practise more.
Sight reading was absolutely horrible.

Accident

2009-12-07T16:10:00.005+11:00

On my way to work today,
I witnessed how fear
makes a person barbarous and aggressive.
Fear triggers the instinct to protect our own selves.
That's a natural law. That's our most primal instinct.
But once you crossed the boundary to intimidate
and terrorize others in order to protect yourself,
you instantly loose all the virtues of humanity.

On my way to work today,
I saw my colleague got into an accident.
Listening to the arguments from both side,
it was obvious that he was at fault.
Yet, what amazes me was how he reacted.
His hands were trembling, he was frighten,
but cold harsh words were used,
a terrorizing attitude was displayed.
He attempted to intimidate, attempted to dominate.
He, a nerd. I would have never expected this from him.

Do we commit terror because we are in fear?
Do we hurt someone simply because we feel insecure?
The world could have been a better place.

Hair Cut

2009-12-02T03:14:00.004+11:00

There are a lot of things about KL that I want to write. But I'll leave that to the next post because there is something more important to jot down today.

I had a bad hair cut. Very bad indeed.

More importantly, I think its mostly my fault. I should have done more research and look for more options. The minute I stepped into the rather empty salon, my instinct told me to leave. But I ignored. The minute I see that rather not presentable female hair-stylist, my instinct screamed at me urging me to leave. But I ignored. The minute when the hair-stylist initiated the conversation in a rather rude manner, my instinct wailed, begging me to leave. Again, I ignored. My fault. Totally.

Now, from my experience of countless hair-cut sessions, a few rules need to be observed. I shall make it a commitment, to ensure none of this happens anymore.

Never trust a female to cut your hair, be it young or old. They usually have poor sense of fashion and style. No offense.
Don't go into a salon with only female hair-stylists around and a male receptionist. Female hair-stylists are just another marketing trap.
Check out what the hair-stylists wear. If its ah beng ah lian fashion, you'll get ah beng ah lian hair style too. Or even worse.
Interior of a salon is also an important indicator. If the design of the interior is somewhat complicated, better skip it. They are up to no good. The design is merely an illusion, distraction.
Conversation matters, to a certain degree. Its an indicator of the person's quality and experience.
Lastly, if all customers are, well, not that presentable, head to the next salon. Its probably the wrong side of the world.

Now, let's talk about KL next time.

2009-11-25T10:43:00.002+11:00

A friend is someone who reminds you of your initial dream,
and motivates you to persue it and not give up.

Thanks Wendy.

Missing Out

2009-11-21T14:22:00.003+11:00

Went in to work yesterday
and there were a lot of new changes.
Exciting changes.
A whole new list of desserts,
a whole new range of Christmas products.
While my manager was briefing us about the products,
I realized that I am not going to be part of the team
throughout this busy season. Again.
I'm definitely missing out.
Thinking about all the potential fun times.
Geez. I really want to stay.

Rock 'n' Roll

2009-11-20T10:18:00.002+11:00

And suddenly, Rock 'n' Roll becomes the new gospel for me. Seriously, the music genre today is lacking the "rolling" factor.

2009-11-19T15:20:00.004+11:00

H1? Likely.
4 down and 1 more to go.

Anyway, Jersey Boys tonight.
Should be good.

Coffee

2009-11-16T11:00:00.011+11:00

Good coffee makes the world go round.
On a side note,
the take away latte I had from Seven Seeds today,
though still good,
was slightly below its usual standard.
Hrmph.
Different barrista I guess.

Kelvin's Cuppuccino from Seven Seeds.

Dream

2009-11-13T11:26:00.002+11:00

I had another funny dream.
Dreamt of going to some posh zoo,
very early in the morning,
together with my mum, dad and sister.
There was a flock of fluffy chicks,
a seafront walk,
and some indoor fashion show.
Of course,
there was a souvenir shop as well.
Bizarre!

Fingers

2009-11-13T01:37:00.003+11:00

My ten stubby fingers.
They used to dance on the piano keys.
Waltzing between the blacks and whites,
they made music and art
together with Debussy and Mozart.
They were trained to precision,
crafting the perfect tone.
They were dedicated to art,
they were dedicated to beauty.
Today they no longer dance,
but fumble clumsily across the laptop keyboard,
making monotonous typing noise.
Corrupted they are now,
for betraying the art of beauty.

*

I went to my housemate's practice recital earlier on. He played Schubert, Beethoven, Liszt and another one which I can't remember. At least I can still follow the score with my eyes. At least I was not lost among the notes and music symbols. I gave some pretty constructive criticism. But to be a critic who can no longer play, that's very lame.

2009-11-12T02:40:00.002+11:00

Despite the significantly improved financial situation,
despite the presense of close buds with similar heritage,
despite the familarity of Melbourne,
I still feel like an outcast.
I'm not satisfied with my life here,
not when I know that there's so much more out there.
I don't feel belong here,
not when the world is whispering in my ears.
I want a change.
No, I need a change.

Missing Europe

2009-11-12T02:01:00.006+11:00

Flipped through my photo album of Europe.
Gosh, I miss those times there.
The people I met, the food, the sights,
the atmosphere, the culture, the history,
the people I travelled with, the money spent,
the train, the wine. EVERYTHING.
I miss them dearly.

Every little detail, every single excitement,
I yearn for them now.
The arches and domes in the cathedrals,
the cobblestone streets and astrological clocks,
the feeling of lost in a foreign land,
the cheese and bread for lunch,
and even the grin and laughter after (quite a few) beer.
It was a crazy trip around 13 countries.
It was definitely the best year of my life.

Unlike now,
STUCK and TRAPPED with responsibilities.
So caught up in the process of turning into an adult.
So sick of this mundane, repetitive, well planned life.
Give me back my fresh breath of air!
Give me back my Europe!

《我侬词》

2009-11-10T03:02:00.007+11:00

读了11年的古诗古文，
其中最有感触，最有印象的，
莫过于管道升的《我侬词》。

“你侬我侬，忒煞情多；
情多处，热似火；
把一块泥，捻一个你，塑一个我。
将咱两个一齐打破，用水调和；
再捻一个你，再塑一个我。
我泥中有你，你泥中有我：
我与你生同一个衾，死同一个椁。”

管道升并非是什么诗仙，诗圣，
《我侬词》更不是什么世代绝作。
有时，还真得纳闷。
那么多的诗词中，
为什么偏是这首。

也许，
是她那微妙生动的文采，
也许，
是她那让旁人羡煞的浪漫。

Friends

2009-11-09T23:18:00.010+11:00

Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. -Randolf, G.

Those were in the olden days,
stipulated, clear and genuine.
It might be ironic for me to say this,
but a friend today,
is merely a term loosely used.
Overrated. Without a doubt.

Perhaps, it is time to think about it
back from the very beginning.

Sergei Rachmaninov

2009-11-07T02:59:00.004+11:00

I walked in my workplace and P's Rachmaninov was playing. At that instance, I was enlightened. I realized what I've been deprived recently was simply Sergei Rachmaninov.

A late romanticist whose music is so intense and filled with expression of grandeur. The shear emotion from his music is simply overwhelming.

Chopin and Bach, you've done well. Its time to move on.

Plate Smashing

2009-11-07T02:13:00.004+11:00

We went plate smashing after work, along our way home. Partners in crime were the manager and the barista. The plates were the rejected saucers. Broken pieces were every where in the various dark alleys. I wonder if we were caught in cam. It was reckless. Yet, it was fun. The sound of the smashing plates, the strength you put it when you toss it as far as possible, the joy you share with your partners. It was a good night. I'm not under the influence of alcohol. Well, maybe just a glass of pinot noir.

La Maison en Petits Cubes

2009-11-06T10:06:00.003+11:00

2009-11-04T17:58:00.003+11:00

Inspiration always comes at the wrong time of the semester.
Hey, stop distracting me. I actually need to study!
Arrrghh!

赏花

2009-11-04T00:40:00.003+11:00

花开花落，
周而复始。
人生离别，
虽无常难舍，
却与花无异。

绽放，灿烂，
枯萎，凋零。
一切归原，
即又复始。
欣赏，相惜，
悼念，痛惜。
既秋已逝，
过冬待春。

Sins

2009-11-02T14:22:00.001+11:00

There is this side of me that I constantly suppress.
The me that vessels the deadly sins:
lust, greed, gluttony, pride, envy, wrath and sloth.
He resides in me,
underneath my consciousness,
sharing the same shadow as I walk.
He takes over me whenever my conscience is weakened.
He manipulates me whenever my judgement is clouded.
I fear myself sometimes,
not knowing when he will surface,
not knowing what he will do.

And within a day,
I spent $800 on vanities,
wasting all my previous efforts.

HIERONYMUS BOSCH: The Seven Deadly Sins

2009-10-30T16:40:00.000+11:00

The outcome of the design report was disappointing.
Its was not professionally presented due to the lack of time.
I could have done better. Much better.

Commoners

2009-10-29T01:22:00.001+11:00

The more I learn, the more I realize that we are different.
The more differences I see, the more rejection I feel.
Commoners.What a derogatory word.
Yet, I can easily use it to refer you nowadays.
Indeed, we are different.
You are just commoners.
And even though we are not that different originally,
I am ashamed by your existence, your ignorance.
After all,
you are nothing but commoners.

2009-10-25T06:47:00.000+11:00

Its 6:47am of 25 Oct 2009 as I am writing. I've spent the whole night in the engineering design lab working on my design report. I feel awesome now. Its a new record. Alright, time to head home and get some sleep.

2009-10-24T17:54:00.000+11:00

I went to the gym and stayed only for 15 minutes.
I wasn't in the mood.
I somehow felt weak.
Its probably the big breakfast.

Strong

2009-10-24T11:55:00.000+11:00

"He who conquers others is strong; He who conquers himself is mighty" - Lao Tzu

I am who I am today simply because years ago,
I've decided to grow stronger.
I want to be able to shoulder the world,
to be able to be relied and depend on.
I don't want to depend on others,
and affected by their decisions and emotions.
I want to be able to defeat others,
not just through mere skills and intelligence,
but through will and determination.
I want to be able to fight my own battle,
and to claim my own victory.
I want to live with pride,
confident in my own strength.

Today, years later,

I wonder if I'm indeed stronger.

2009-10-21T00:45:00.000+11:00

We went to a cyber and played some LAN game.
Then, a horrible motion sickness followed.
What a lame way to end my awesome day.
Geez.

Resolution

2009-10-19T15:50:00.000+11:00

I sit on the grassy lawn outside of law building, sun basking. Witnessing the array of trees with emerald green leaves sprouting out, I feel at ease, relaxed. Clusters of students scattered across the lawn, leisurely. With some chit-chatting, playing guitar, and reading. Buildings surrounding the lawn blocked most of the noises from the nearby streets. Sitting here, embracing the warmth, I discovered a hidden sanctuary amidst the urban development. No primary forest, no thousand years old river. Yet, fresh air, soothing atmosphere and serenity prevails.

I want people in 50 years time to be able to indulge in what I do today. That is why I am determined to be an environmental engineer. To ensure that the others have the equal opportunity, to ensure that the quality of the environment do not deteriorate.

2009-10-18T11:59:00.000+11:00

I'm still in my bed.
This has been the case for the last two weekends.
I am glued to the bed.
And there goes the beautiful weekend.
No, it will be different this week.
It will be.

2009-10-15T12:11:00.000+11:00

Some people want to retire at the age of 40.
Seriously, I don't get them.
What are they planning to do after 40?
Sit and rot? Sounds like a great plan.