The heart and the mind,
they don't think alike.
One focuses more on the short run,
the other one, on the other hand, long run.
And the question then becomes,
what do I want out of this?

It was busy, but it felt so right!
That's how work is suppose to be.
Work your ass off during the hours,
and indulge in the satisfaction that follows.

note: time spent of facebook/blog/ebuddy was less than 5 minutes in total. record breaking!

Youngsters.
They seek excitement and attention.
They want revolution and recognition.
But funny how they pick a game plan with no substance.
Funny how they are not willing to give their all-in to win.

All I see is some senseless pride.
A false sense of dignity stemming from nothingness.
It can be manipulated and busted easily,
It lacks the refinement of life and experience.

Powerless they are,
incapable to challenge the reality,
incapable to make a difference.

Came across this facebook group created by the students from my high school. It was a channel for them to vent their dissatisfaction over some new rules in school. Saw some familiar faces who joined the group too.

Then I started thinking:
1. While we are actively pursuing and promoting the freedom of speech, are we actually capable of taking responsibility over what we've said?

2. While encouraging debates and exchange of ideas, are we capable of using such channel to create a compromise and bring forth some positive outcomes? Or is this channel going to create more chaos through speculation and distortion of information?

3. For those seniors who have joined the group, is that an indication of support for the cause? And prior showing your support, have you attempted to understand the issues at hand in an objective manner?

4. For those seniors who think that the cause is worth supporting, do you think that the thinking process of the students demonstrated is worth cultivating and further encouraged?

Freedom of speech. It comes with responsibility.

23

23.
You can be a slut,
deriving fun from all the mindless sex.
You can be a uni kid,
carelessly skimming through life.
You can be a final year student,
getting all depressed over the job prospects.
You can be a young adult,
hotheaded, impulsive and ignorant.
Or you can be different,
by hammering out a solid future game plan.

Claypot chicken rice, durian, wine, japanese buffet (all the ice cream, sashimi and coconut water), hot chocolate, truffle, spicy nyonya food, plus some nasty cold/flu.

Hrmph. Not the best combo.

I took a sick leave on Friday.
Woke up at my usual time,
and sent in an email to notify the company.
I was sick. There were some mild symptoms.
Yet, when I made that decision,
it was not in the best interest of the firm.
Principle of stewardship was violated.
That was very unprofessional of me.
Hrmph.

Crap.
I'm falling sick.
:(

You can change your appearance,
you can change your fashion style,
but at the end of the day,
your substance is still the same.

Sorry, I'm just not interested.
Physical appearance is just the prerequisite,
but the mind, on the other hand,
is the core.

Your faint breathing,
my lingering,
it ends tonight,
when darkness turns to light.

Dawn is here I'm ready to go,
bags are packed I hate to do so.
End that lingering, end that pain,
cause I'm leaving on a jet plane.

(Thanks mel, thanks teoh.)

Rant

Stop giving me lame excuses and reasons.
The least you could do is to at least be honest about it.
A firm 'no' can freaking save both of us time and all sorts of trouble.
I fucking don't care what sort of image you are trying to portray,
nor the sorts of trouble I'll have to pull myself through after this.
Get the facts straight, and both of us can continue with our work.
You are just a fucking ignorant time waster,
causing delays to my work again and again.
Arrgghh, stupid engineers.
You could have just said 'no'. Seriously.
Its not all that difficult to be honest.

There Will Come a Day

There will come a day when I will turn deaf.
But before that happens,
let me spend more time with you,
so that I can remember
your sweet voice of a nightingale in the silence.

There will come a day when I will turn blind.
But before that happens,
let me spend more time with you,
so that I can remember
your beautiful face of an angel in the darkness.

There will come a day when I will lose my senses,
I will suffer from illness and I will forget who I am.
But before all that happens,
let me just spend a little more time with you,
so that I can remember
the precious time we spent together despite the chaos.

There will come a day when I will be gone.
But before that happens,
let me spend more time with you,
so that you can remember
how much I've cared for you,
how much I've loved you.

Of Comparison

The news commentator on the radio this morning were saying that there are things that you can't compare. They used the analogy of comparing an apples and oranges.

Well, I disagree. Its true that apples and oranges are physically different. But if you look carefully, at a deeper level, there are some comparable characteristics such as nutritional value, weights, texture etc. They can be compared: apples are crunchier than orange, oranges have higher Vit C compared to apples.

I think its absolutely absurd if someone tells you that there are things that you can't possibly compare. Its just an excuse to make you feel better, an excuse to hide things that you don't want to face. We can still compare our nation with neighbouring countries even though the constitutional and religion background are different. Comparing is about understanding something. Hence, its important to understand how these characteristics interact in order to make a useful comparison.

Only through comparing, we will know what's better and what's not, leading to a better decision. If people are better at making comparison, the world could have been a better place with resources efficiently used. Oh well.

Oh you freaking white shirt that is so hard to iron!
I curse you! Arrrghh!

Learning how to give up is not all that easy
Especially when it’s someone you hold dear.
Cry then? Well, there’s no point in it.
Old enough to understand, old enough to just let go.
Need to move on, have to go on.
Thinking about it won’t make any more difference.
Everything happens in its own time, at its own pace.

Leave that instantaneous spark behind then.
End it gracefully with something substantial worthy of looking back.
End it on a good note, just like how a perfect cadence should sound.

I carry your heart with me

Was telling my friend about my favourite poem. I know I've put this up before, but since its my fav, I'm gonna put it up again. I came across this poem from the movie "In Her Shoes" when Maggie read it at Rose's wedding as a gift. Its about a love so deep, a love so true. It'd be great if I can recite it one day, to that person I carry in my heart. Anyway.

i carry your heart with me
by ee cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

And thanks for helping me to move on.
I'm fine. In fact, relieved.
You've been awesome.
Thanks.

Alright, an uncovered bin with tissues suspected for wrapping used tampons and blood stain inside the the toilet bowl just helped me to make my final decision. I'm moving.

Of Work and Pay

And then I realized something. The seemingly negative posts since December are positively correlated with my time here with this current firm. Poor pay and the lack of sense of achievement (referring to the lack of mentally challenging tasks, and amount of work) are most likely the causes.

This makes me wonder if people end up being more happy with greater wealth. I guess its true that you feel happy when you spend on things that you like. At least that's the case for me. I derive happiness from shopping, paying for train rides, buying cheap postcards, books and of course wine and good food. But this ability to spend is actually subjected to the amount of wealth you accumulate. And this, brings us to income.

With my current income, its pathetic. I do understand its for the long run benefit. But seriously, to make me think twice before buying something cheap, its shocking. You can imagine how much spending induced satisfaction I have forgone simply because of this intern.

No wonder I seem rather depressed lately.

Set the expectation right,
and you'll avoid heaps of unwanted bullshit.

Roller Coaster Ride

Life is like a roller coaster ride.
Up in the sky,
you do turns that are impossible,
defying gravity.
You accelerate, your adrenaline rushes,
you scream out in excitement.
And these can't be felt on the ground.
You push yourself to the extreme,
trying to move one step closer to your imagination.
Yet, you'll hit that last stop eventually,
where everything halt.
KaBOOM!
And things drop dead.
Your feet are back onto the ground,
you are no longer flying.

No matter what happens,
you'll still have to face yourself eventually.
I guess that's when you are back
with both feet on the ground.
Asking yourself who you are,
and what you want.

Glances exchanged,
And eyes met.
Heart skipped,
With a faint jolt felt.
Class resumed,
With a tick-tock track.
A hi then followed,
Leaving giddiness running amok.

The engineers think that I'm doing a good job.
Glad to know that they recognise my contributions.
But sadly, I do not concur with their statement about my performance.
There should be no errors at all in the selection choices.
Don't set me a lower standard simply because I'm an intern.
We are suppose to play on a level playing field.

Anyway, I'd figure it's better to explicitly set myself a life motto at this stage:

"Live to Impress."

I shall fully dedicate myself to the cause of impressing others.

Yawn

Yawn, I think I desperately need that extra 1.5 hours of sleep.
Tired. Freaking tired. Fucking freaking tired.
Absolutely fucking freaking tired.
Zzzz. I'll try to sleep before 12 tonight.
Wonder if its possible...

Staying in SKM proved to be a wrong decision.
Its a waste of time, money, opportunities and life.
Alas, no choice but to try to salvage the situation.
Hrmph. A firm with no proper intern programme is never a good place for intern.

Resolution

Its the first day of 2010.
And I think I've got all it needs to take on the rest of the year!
Be wiser, be hotter, be richer, and be healthier.
Be more culturally sophisticated and educated,
be more professionally developed and skilled,
increase the capacity to take on more responsibility,
increase the capacity to achieve greatness.
And of course, to love my friends around me more.
Yes, that's my new year resolution.